Just One Of The Guys
by Griff99
Summary: A new kid has come to South Park, fresh off the plane from Germany. And now he'll see the strange things that always happens to this little mountain town. This summary is awful, and I apologize for it.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, little note before we begin our story. 1. I was writing this at 6 AM EST, and will have been up for 19 hours when this goes up. 2, it's been a long time since I've watched South Park, and as of right now, it's not set in any particular season, so please point out if any character seems majorly out of character. On a good note, with South Park being a spastic and random show, I have much more ability to come up with my own story line easier, adding my own twist. And lastly, I will try my best to point out and translate the German parts. Which btw, are from google translate, so please be merciful about incorrect translations.**

"Okay class, we have a new student joining us today. Go ahead, introduce yourself." the man that was my new teacher said as he walked around me and stood near his desk. I sighed inwardly and removed my hat from my head, checking it for snow. "Look, can I just sit down? There will be plenty of time for this later." I replied as I put my cap back on. A sudden burst of laughter stopped him before he could reply. "Mr. Garrison, is he fucking retarded?! Was that even English?" A fat kid in a red jacket and blue cap said in between laughs. "Eric!" Mr. Garrison exclaimed to no avail. "I take that back, Mr. Garrison. I'll say a few words. I'm Lukas. And as (1)Fett arsch was so kind to point out, I'm not American." I said, wiping the kid's smile off his face. "What did you just call me?" he asked menacingly, leaning forward. "Nothing, Fett Arsch." I replied, a smug smile forming on my face. "Okay boys, that's enough. Now, where to put you?" Mr. Garrison said, diffusing the exchange. "Mr. Garrison? There's a seat over here." a girl in a pink cap said as she waved her hand in the air. "Ah, good. There you go, now sit down so we can get some work done." he said pointing me towards the empty seat. I nodded and made my way towards it, setting my stuff down and taking off my cap. "Getting to work already, huh Wendy?" the boy I was just arguing with said as I sat down. "Shut it, Eric. Don't make me kick your ass again." She replied, earning a grin from me. "Okay now, children, today we're going to talk about why Oprah is a stuck up, undeserving bitch and then how anti-vaccine people are absolute retards." Mr. Garrison said as he began to write on the chalk board. "Don't worry, he alternates between this and actual lessons." the girl said, noticing my look of confusion. "I would hope so." I replied as I leaned back in my chair. "I'm Wendy, by the way." she said as I turned to face her. "Lukas." I replied simply. "Tell me about yourself. It'll pass the time until recess." I shrugged and took off my hat, placing it on top of my bag. "Ask away." I replied. "Okay, so where are you from?" she asked. "Germany. Frankfurt, specifically." I replied. "Okay. Do you have any siblings?" she asked, bringing a small smile to my face. A four year old sister. (2)Und sie ist ein schmerz in den arsch." I replied. "You like doing that." she said. "Hmm?" I muttered, looking at her. "Mixing German in with English. You seem to do that a lot." she said. "It makes sure that things I don't want someone to know doesn't get out. I don't know if you'll ever meet my sister, but she'll kill me if she found out I said that about her. But in his case" I made sure to point at Eric "It's just fun to confuse him." I replied. "Mr Garrison! Wendy and the new kid keep distracting me!" he whined almost on cue. "*Sigh* Wendy, Lukas, keep it down if you're going to talk. We have ten minutes before lunch, let's try to keep it civil, please," Mr. Garrison replied without turning around. "Fett Arsch." I mumbled. "Nazi." he coughed, loud enough for the class to hear. "Dude, that's messed up, even for you." a boy in a green ushanka said. "What did you say, you (3)Schwanz saugnapf?" I fumed, almost standing up. "Nothing. Except that you're a Nazi." he replied in a low whisper. "And you're a (4) Schweineficker!" I replied. "Dude, he's getting really pissed. Just stop while you're ahead." a boy in a blue and red cap said this time. "No. He started it." Eric replied. "You called him a Nazi!" Wendy almost exclaimed. "He called me a fat ass!" Eric retorted. "Get off your pedestal. If you can't take what you dish out, you're not going anywhere." I said. "That's it! I'm going to kick your ass!" Eric said. "Recess yard. Five minutes." I replied as the bell rang. He nodded as everyone got up and started out.

I fumed to myself as I put on my hat and started out. "Lukas, calm down." Wendy said, appearing next to me. "No, I'm not letting him call me a Nazi and get away with it." I replied as we followed the stream of kids on their way to the recess yard. "Just don't do anything serious. He tries to get his way, no matter what. I'll back you up if he tries to get you in trouble to avoid the fight." she said as we made our way into the yard. I slowly took my jacket off and passed it to Wendy as we walked toward the circle of kids. "You ready for a beating, Fett Arsch?" I asked as I cracked my knuckles. "Let's go dog, let's throw down." He said, throwing up ridiculous hand signs. I shook my head as I moved towards him, causing him to throw a messy punch. I easily ducked under it, and then hit him twice across the face as hard as I could. Before he could react. I grabbed his jacket and threw him head first into the snow. "Look, maybe I misspoke." he said as he started backing away on his hands and knees. "Don't try to back down. You're the one who called me a Nazi, then threatened to kick my ass when I retaliated. So get up." I said as I took a step forward. I then started to reach for him, but noticed he had pissed himself. "Actually, you've embarrassed yourself enough." I said as I took a step back. "What? Dude, you're gonna let him get away with what he said?" the boy in the ushanka asked. "Yeah, hit him." a boy in a blue chullo hat said. "I don't need to. He pissed himself." I replied as Eric started to get up. He didn't say a word as everyone stared at him and his piss-soaked pants. "Dude..." the boy in the red and blue cap said. "Cartman?" the ushanka boy asked. Eric didn't respond, only sniffled. "W-what do you want?" he asked with more sniffles. "An apology." I replied simply. He looked at me like I was crazy. "Or, I could start calling you piss-pants. Your choice." I said. "I'm sorry." he said lowly, almost inaudibly. "No. I want everyone here to hear you say it. Then you can go." I said as I put my hands in my pockets. "I'm sorry." he said louder. "Okay then. You can go." I said, motioning for the kids behind him to move out of the way. He nodded, and slowly started back to the school building. "That's fucked up." blue and red cap said as he and ushanka boy walked over to me. I nodded to them as Wendy handed me my jacket and then ran of to her friends. "I'm Stan, this is Kyle." he said as I put my jacket back on. "Lukas." I said as I shook their hands. "Glad to see that you didn't let him get away with that. He's too used to people putting up with his crap." Kyle said. "I can deal with his jokes about my English. But he took it too far." I replied as we started walking around. "He would've made blonde jokes if you didn't say anything. You're English is fine, dude." Stan said. We all dispersed before a teacher noticed us, and went back inside.

At the end of recess and lunch, it was back to class, and Mr. Garrison talking about pointless stuff. I sat at my desk, bored out of my mind. With Eric's absence from the class, it was actually quiet, and that didn't help. Finally, the dismissal bell rang, and we all gathered up our stuff and started out. "So, dude, you doing anything after school?" Stan asked as he and Kyle met up with me. "No, not really. I don't really know the town, or many people in it." I replied as I readjusted my bag on my shoulder. "(5)Bruder!" I heard my sister's voice behind me shout. "Emma." I said happily as she almost pushed Stan aside and wrapped herself around my side. "This your sister?" Kyle asked as we walked out the front doors. I nodded in reply and struggled to free myself from her grip. "Emma, (6)Loslassen! Du machst mir brech." I said as I tried to get her hands off. "No!" she replied. I sighed in defeat and went for the method that always worked; tickling. "Stop!" she said inbetween bouts of laughing. "Let go, and I'll stop." I replied. After a minute, she let go, and I stopped tickling her. "So, how was your day?" I asked as we climbed on the bus. "Good. Everyone is really nice. What about yours?" She replied as we claimed a seat. "I wish I could say the same." I said as I stretched out in the chair.

"Mom! We're home!" I called as we walked in the house and put down our bags. "Kids! Come in the kitchen, There are some people I want you to meet." Mom replied as I took off my jacket and hat and hung them up. I walked into the kitchen and found Mom at the dining table along with two other people. "Lukas, this is Sharon Marsh and Shelia Broflovski. They're our neighbors, and my old friends." Mom said as Emma walked in. "Oh my god, Diane. They look so much like you with the blonde hair." Mrs. Broflovski commented as she looked us over. "Well, it's been fun Diane, but I should get home, Stan should be home by now and I need to start dinner soon." Mrs. Marsh said as she got up. "Of course. No problem." Mom replied Mrs. Marsh then left, followed by Mrs. Broflovski a few minutes later. "So, how was your days?" Mom asked as she began to prepare dinner. "Good." We both replied as we started to the living room. We sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Jager, our German Shepard, then jumped up and laid down in between us.

About half an hour later, a knock on the door sent Jager flying towards the front door and earned a sigh from me. "I got it." I said with a sigh. I got up and walked to the door. Gripping Jager's collar. "Jager, Nein! (7)Platz!" I said as he tried to run out the open door. I looked outside and saw Stan and Kyle backing up. "(8)Zwinger!" I said, pointing inside. He put his head down, and walked away. "Sorry about that. He gets excited easily. What's up?" I said as I stepped out onto the porch. "We were just stopping by, seeing if you wanted to hang out with us for a bit." Stan said as they stepped back onto the stoop. "Sorry, but not today. I'm just going to relax today. Tomorrow, maybe?" I replied. "Okay. See you tomorrow, dude." Kyle said as they walked off. I chuckled to myself as I walked back in to the house and went back to my seat.

*Reminder, all German parts, except for dog commands,i.e. Platz, come from google translate, and may be inaccurate.*

1- Fat ass.

2- and she's a pain in the ass.

3- Cock sucker

4- pig fucker

5- brother

6- Let go! You're crushing me!

7- down!

8- Crate!

And remember, leave a review! I'll be checking it frequently b/c I'm out of touch with South Park, and constructive criticism is good criticism!


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, a second man was in the classroom along with Mr. Garrison. I took off my hat and shook off the fresh layer of snow on top of it. After placing it back on my head, I sat down and waited. After everyone was in, the second man spoke. "Now children, I received an upsetting report of bullying, m'kay? Now, bullying is very, very bad, mkay? In order to contact this, Principal Victoria and I have decided to send this class on a trust building weekend trip." he said, earning a collective groan from the class. "Now, if you don't go on this trip, it's two weeks of solid detention, m'kay?" he said before walking out. "I'll hand out the forms for your parents tomorrow. Now, get out your books. Today we're working on times tables." Mr. Garrison said as he began to write out problems on the chalk board. I stared angrily at Eric, who was grinning back at me. I sighed and went back to my work, following with Garrison's lesson. I took the occasional glance, and saw that I wasn't the only one staring at Eric. Pretty much the whole class was. And they all had a look of murder on their faces. The bell for lunch rang, and we all started out. "Thanks Cartman, now all of our weekends are gone, thanks to your fat ass." Kyle said in front of me as he walked with Stan, Eric, and another boy in an all orange outfit. "You can thank that Aryan prick for what he did yesterday." Eric replied, making me clench my fist. "Don't make it happen again." I said, causing them to look back to me. "Oh, Here he is now. This is your fault." Eric said. "Why? Because I sent you crying to the nurse's office with two punches?" I said with a grin, earning a muffled statement from the boy in orange. "Shut up, Kenny!" Eric shouted at him before huffing off. "He'll be like this for a few days. He's ruined our weekends with this stupid trip, and he doesn't even have to go on it." Kyle said with a frustrated sigh. "At least he didn't say who did it to him." Stan replied. "Yeah, but he still told. Is he always like this?" I asked as I took Eric's place with them. "He's always starting something. He got the shit kicked out him by Wendy. He even helped Tweek and Craig get in a fight just to win a bet." Kyle said. "I'll pretend I know who they are." I replied. "Oh, right. Sorry. Craig's the one who wanted you to keep hitting him yesterday. Tweek, well... you'll know him when you see him." he said as we entered the cafeteria and got in line.

"Speaking of fat ass, he's talking to Craig now." Stan said, pointing with his thumb. I looked over to see Eric whispering in Craig's ear. "Wonder what he's talking about." He said as we got our food. I looked over one more time to see Craig giving me a death stare. "I don't know. But from the stare Craig's giving me, I doubt it was good." I said as I walked out of line with them. "We'll find out soon enough." Kyle said as I followed them. The second I put down my tray, I noticed Craig making his way towards me. I ignored him for the time being, but got ready to punch if need be. That's when he hit first. No words, no hints. Just a fist connecting with my jaw before I knew it was happening. "What did you say about Stripe, you piece of shit?" He asked angrily as I held my jaw. "I have no idea what you're talking about." I replied as he grabbed my jacket and lifted me up. He didn't say anything, just swung again. "Craig, what the fuck?!" someone exclaimed as I managed to duck under it this time, and punched him in the stomach. He shrugged it off, hitting me twice more in the face before trying to take me to the floor. It became a stalemate, with both of us trying to bring the other to the ground without success. I felt another pair of arms grab my shoulders and was separated from Craig. I looked around and saw Cartman laughing his fat ass off. I looked back at Craig and saw he noticed it too, a look of disgust on his face as a teacher pulled him back.

After we were separated, we were brought to Principal Victoria for a lecture. I sat there, acting like I was listening, thinking of ways to get back at Cartman. "Now then, now that I'm done, you two will be serving detention today with Mr. Mackey, and in addition to having to go on this weekend trip, you two will be partnered up for the whole thing. Now go back to class." she said, kicking us out. We walked down the hall in awkward silence, not even looking at each other. "He tricked me." Craig said, finally breaking the silence. "Yep." I replied as I looked across the hall. He sighed and we returned to silence, not wanting to talk to each other. We finally reached the classroom, and I started to reach for the door. "At least you can fight." Craig said suddenly. Making me stop. "What?" I asked, turning towards him. "At least you can fight." He repeated with an emotionless face as he flipped me off. "Thanks, I guess." I replied as I returned the gesture. He sighed as I opened the door and walked in, ignoring the looks of everyone else. I glanced up for a second to glare at Cartman, and then began to follow Mr. Garrison's work on the board. The rest of the day went silently. The bell eventually rang, and I sluggishly gathered up my stuff while the others hurriedly made their way out. I slowly made my day to the cafeteria, waiting for Emma. "Lukas, where are you going? The buses are this way." she said as she appeared next to me. "I have detention." I replied with a shrug. "But, how will I get home?" She asked nervously. "I honestly don't know. I'll think of something." I said as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Hey dude. Everything alright?" Stan asked as he walked up with Kyle. "Yeah, I'm just fine. Can you guys do me a favor and make sure she gets home safe?" I asked as I looked up. "Yeah, sure." he replied simply. "Okay, Emma, go with Stan and Kyle, they'll make sure you get home." I said, nudging her slightly towards them. She instantly clang to my leg, her nervousness coming out. "(1)Ich würde dich nicht mit ihnen zu gehen, wenn ich nicht vertrauen ihnen, Emma." I whispered as I gripped her shoulder. "(2)Ich weiß nicht, ihnen, Lukas." she said as she tightened her grip on my pants leg. "Hi Emma. We're some of Lukas' friends." Kyle said, kneeling in front of Emma. She didn't say anything, only waved slightly. "I'm Kyle." he said, slowly taking off his hat. I was surprised to see the mass of hair underneath, which made Emma laugh. "We'll make sure you get home alright. That okay with you?" he asked with a smile as he held out a hand to her. She smiled and nodded as she took it. "Don't worry, we'll make sure she gets home." Stan said as Emma and Kyle walked off. "Thanks. I owe you one." I said as he turned to follow them. "Don't worry about it." he said as he walked off to catch up with them.

I sighed and walked into the cafeteria, where Mr. Mackey was waiting. "Sit down and get started on your homework. You're here for three hours." he said while looking lazily around the room. I picked a seat at random and got out the work assigned. I worked quietly, ignoring anyone around me. I had just finished the first sheet when I felt someone watching me. I glanced up and saw Mackey trying to keep his eyes open, and then looked around, almost turning directly into Craig. I nearly fell off of the bench when I jumped back, earning a small smirk from the boy. "Have you ever heard of personal space? I asked once I had recovered. "Yeah. I just don't care." he replied, with his middle finger accompanying him. "What do you want, anyways?" I asked, leaning on one arm. "To let you know we're busting out. I put some sleeping pills in Mackey's coffee. He'll be out any minute now." he said, his expression going back to neutral. "Thanks for the heads up." I replied bitterly. "Hey, don't be a dick." he said with sudden anger. "I'm being a dick? You're the one who landed us here." I snapped back, clenching my fist. "That was Cartman's fault." He said. "Did it occur to you at any point before you hit me that I've only been at this school two days, and would have no clue who or what the fuck Stripe is? I didn't even know who you were until five minutes before our fight." I said as I tried to get back to my work. "Not until it was broken up." he said flatly. "Exactly, that makes it as much your fault as it does Cartman's. Only difference is that I'm planning to get Cartman back." I replied. Craig fell silent, allowing me to try and get back to work.

"Hey, Mackey's out." he said about fifteen minutes later, disturbing me again. "So?" I asked without glancing up at him. "You're saying you want to stay here?" He asked. I didn't answer, simply turning the page of the textbook next to me. "Suit yourself. Don't say I didn't try to do anything for you." He said before I heard his footsteps towards the door. I sighed and looked up at Mackey, who was still sound asleep. I looked at the door and then reached for my bag, discovering it missing. "Son of a bitch." I said as I quickly gathered up the stuff on the table and went to find him. "Figured you come along." he said as soon as I walked out the front door. I looked and saw him leaning against the wall on his phone, my bag on his shoulder. "Very funny. Give me my bag." I said as I started towards him. "Why?" he asked without looking up. I sighed and looked him over, trying to find something I could easily grab. I settled for his hat, and moved quickly, grabbing it before he knew what happened. "Not cool." he said as he put his phone away. "Give me my bag, I give you your hat. Simple trade." I said as I moved it out of his reach. "Fine." He said as he took my bag off his shoulder and held it out in front of him. I did the same with his hat, and we traded off. "There. Was that so hard?" I asked as I put my stuff in my bag and put it on.

"Come on, we should leave before someone notices we're not in detention." He said as he put his hat back on. We then walked away from the school, not looking back. "So, we cool?" he asked after we got a couple blocks away. "Yeah. We're cool." I replied as I dug my hat out of my bag. He nodded and looked away for a second before turning back. "Friends?" He asked, holding out a hand. "Friends." I replied with a grin as I shook it. "Great. Now we just have to get through the weekend." he said. I nodded and looked at the road. An ambulance sped past, lights and sirens blaring. I felt my legs stop moving and my lips going dry. ' _Not again_.' I thought to myself as my hands started shaking. "You okay?" Craig asked, pulling me out of my trance. "Y-yeah. Sorry." I said as I turned back towards him, trying to hold my hands still. He noticed it, even staring for a second, but didn't say anything. We started walking again, entering the neighborhood. "So, where'd you learn how to fight?" Craig asked suddenly. "A combination of soccer and boxing. My dad wanted me to take up boxing like he did back in high school, but my mom made him stop enrolling me when I was eight. But I've been doing soccer since I was about five. And the league I played in took it extremely seriously. They would kick your ass five different ways if you weren't ready. I doubt you've ever had your ass kick by another five year old." I said as I looked over my hands. "Think you're good enough to teach it?" he asked. "If you're asking me to teach you how to box, I only really know the basics. What do you even need to learn it for? You held your own when we fought." I replied. "Yeah, but my whole plan relied on knocking you down hard. You popped right back up." he said. "I play a sport that involves ramming a ball with your head. I'm probably going be able to take at least one punch. Had that been anyone else, I guarantee the plan would've worked." I replied. "Thanks, I guess. Hey, you have a few minutes before you go home?" he asked as we stopped in front of a house. "I guess I could kill some time before facing the music." I said, bringing a small smile to the boy's face. "Great, follow me." he said as he produced a house key. He lead me into his house, and up the stairs to his room. "Well, here he is." He said as he pointed to a cage which he was walking towards. "Really?" I asked as he opened it and got it's occupant out. "What?" he replied as he cradled Stripe in his arms. "We got in a fight, and got sent to detention, because of a hamster?" I asked as I crossed my arms. "Guinea pig." he replied simply as he scratched behind Stripe's ear. "You of all people Craig. All right, I'm heading home." I said with a chuckle as I started out. "See ya." he called after me. I sighed and made my way down the street towards my house. I walked up the steps and waited at the door. I looked over at the driveway and saw my dad's car. I gulped, and began to reach for the door...

*Reminder* Translations may not be accurate

1- I wouldn't make you go with them if I didn't trust them

2- I don't know them


	3. Author's Notice

Just a quick little bit to say that this story isn't dead. Writer's block has been seriously affecting me, and with this being mostly made up on my own, that makes things much more difficult. Despite this, I'm trying to finish off the third chapter so I can get back on track.


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